


Torn

by JacobsHunter



Category: Red Dead Redemption (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, Breakup, Cheating, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-10
Updated: 2019-06-10
Packaged: 2020-04-24 01:15:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19162822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JacobsHunter/pseuds/JacobsHunter
Summary: He thought he could keep so many secrets. But some are just too big to hide.





	1. Separation

“Don’t leave.”

His soft voice reached your ears, and you had to fight the urge to face him. He had been your everything. And you thought you were his. But you had found out different.

“Josiah, don’t act like I’m the only one,” you replied. “I know about her. About your wife.”

You heard him freeze as you tightened the cinch on your saddle. But you didn’t see his face fall. Didn’t see the hurt and confusion in his eyes. Didn’t see the worry lines on his brow.

“I… I…”

“Does she eve know,” you demanded, finally turning to face him. “Does she know that you’re an outlaw? That you rob people so well they don’t even know they’ve been robbed until you’re long gone? Does she know how many scams you’ve successfully pulled off?” He swallowed thickly and looked away.

“No,” he answered quietly. “I try to keep that from her.”

Your heart broke at the tone in his voice. That some tone he had used with you after Charles and Arthur saved him from the bounty hunters. Filled with adoration and a hint of fear. And now, tainted with regret.

“You don’t need me,” you pointed out, climbing up on your horse. “No one in this gang needs me. What you need is to set up something legitimate and stop lying to your wife. Do something so that the lies become the truth. And leave all this behind.”

His hand was on your arm before you could ride off.

“(Y/N), I’m begging you. Don’t go. I don’t want to imagine a life without you. I know I should have been honest, but it’s easier to protect her if the gang doesn’t-“

“Let me go, Mr. Trelawny.” Your tone was cold now. Hiding the pain within. He wanted to protect her. From the life he truly lived. But he didn’t seem to want that same protection for you. He was more concerned with the woman he had sworn loyalty to.

And despite how much you loved him, you couldn’t stand to be near him.

“Don’t do this,” he pleaded. “Please.”

“Trelawny-“

“At least allow me to share one last kiss with you.”

You sighed. He knew your weaknesses. He knew if you kissed him, he could convince you to stay. Whisper sweet promises he would never keep. He’d tell you that he’ll leave his family for you. But you knew that would never happen.

You had to hold your ground.

“Goodbye, Josiah Trelawny,” you hissed before digging your heels in, forcing him to stumble back as you galloped away. You had to forget him. You had to try and forget all of them and start fresh.

And you would miss them all, including the fallen.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He watched as you disappeared in a cloud of dust, his heart breaking clean in two. He thought he had kept you from finding out. What had he done, besides lie to you and his family, that made everything go so horribly wrong?

“So she chose to leave,” a voice mused, and he turned to see Arthur strolling up. “Was wondering what she would do once she knew the truth.”

“Now that half of my heart is shattered beyond repair, you come to gloat?”

“No. I came to see what the two of you were doing. And now I’m here to give you a little advice. Get your act together and get out of this life as well. Before your wife finds out the truth by watching you hang.”

Josiah looked away, his eyes burning with tears.

“That woman in Saint Denis deserves to have her husband come home safe. Those boys deserve to have their father work an honest job. All three of them deserve to have you in the home, keeping them safe. And (Y/N) deserved to the know the truth. Same as the rest of us.”

“You told her,” he snarled, meeting Arthur’s gaze.

“You bet I did, and I’ll do it again,” Arthur responded. “As a favor to you, though, I haven’t told anyone else. Go home, Trelawny. Go home to your wife. Set up a business that will take off in no time. Become some corporate giant like Cornwall. Do something besides this. But stop trying to be all these different men at once.”

“How do you even know about my family?!”

“Because I saw you in Saint Denis with them!”

He had to look away again. He’d been careless. And he’d been seen with three of the people he’d lay his life down for. But he kept thinking about the other person. The one he tried to keep in a separate life. The one who’s fire and tenacity had drawn him in.

And he thought of the cloud of dust you had left in.

“It’s hard, Arthur. I love her, but… I just can’t stay in one spot. And I don’t want to expose her to… to this. I just…”

“I’ve tried that before. It never works. You’ll ride up to your home one day to find it empty, Trelawny. You’ll rush to the lawmen, and they’ll tell you something’s happened. And then you’ll leave and never go back. Cause secrets can’t stay secret forever.”

Josiah figured that much was true.


	2. Reunion, but only for a little while

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So much had changed, and yet, some things remain the same.

He smiled as he walked through the park with his sons. Life had worked out okay for him, with a few changes. But he couldn’t dwell on those changes. He had his sons to raise, and they were almost young men now. Tarquin was starting to grow sweet on a girl about his age, and Cornelius was well on his way to going to college.

He couldn’t be more proud of his boys.

“Josiah Trelawny,” a familiar voice called, and he turned to see you sitting on a bench. Christ, it had been years since he’d seen you. Seven years at best. And yet, it was as if time had had no affect on you.

You were still the stunning goddess he remembered. And that twinkle of amusement, the one that had been absent after you rode off back in Rhodes, had returned. Your (y/h/c) locks were longer now, and he could almost remember how it felt to run his hands through them. Life had been kind to you, and for that, he was grateful.

“(Y/N),” he answered, dismissing his sons with a wave as they wandered towards a group of girls. “It’s been some time. How have you been?”

You smiled as he took a seat beside you, and his heart nearly broke. Christ, he was so certain he’d never see you again, or be graced with your smile. And yet, here you were. Smiling at him, as if he hadn’t tried to hide the truth from you and hurt you in the process.

“I’ve been well. Traveling. I think of the gang often. How are they?” He sighed.

“Young Lenny died during a bank robbery here in Saint Denis. Hosea too. The gang just… fell apart after that. Everyone was choosing sides, and that Micah character was so deep in Dutch’s ear. I left before it reached it’s conclusion, but last I heard, three more died. Young Molly, Miss Grimshaw, and… Arthur.”

You gasped, and he had to fight the urge to reach for your hand. His heart all but begged for you to be his again, but he knew the damage had been done. You had been so angry the last time he saw you.

“No,” you breathed. “No, that can’t be. How?”

“He’d been sick,” he explained. “I noticed, but I was so… overwhelmed. I had my family here to protect, and then I was watching the family I’d been on so many robberies with fall apart. I almost stayed, though. I almost decided to drag Arthur away and get him some help. His cough… it had to have been tuberculosis.”

“Thomas Downes. Fucking Strauss.”

“Oh, he got kicked out by Arthur. And Arthur rather enjoyed it, it seemed. I don’t know who’s alive and who’s dead, aside from you.” She nodded.

“How’s your wife?”

He looked away. He knew the question would come up, but he wished the answer was different. He wished he could say she was well, and he was simply giving her a bit of time to herself. He wished he could say that they had had more children, and he had been the faithful husband he should have been.

But that hadn’t been the case in ages.

“She had been sick for some time. Long before I met Dutch and Hosea. I moved her here to Saint Denis to try and buy her a little more time…”

Your hand instantly took his, and he nearly broke down at the tender touch. He’d been home, thankfully, when his loyal wife had passed. He had been clinging to her hand, begging her for one more hour, one more minute. He had long given up asking for any more than that. He knew her time had come, but he couldn’t stop himself from trying his best to bargain for more.

“She died loving the man she married. She didn’t need to know about me or the gang. That’s what matters. And I have no doubt that you were by her side, Josiah.” He nodded.

“I was. And I still never told her. About any of it. It would have crushed her, and it would have made my sons hate me. I’ll take that secret to the grave.” You nodded.

“You’re a good man, Josiah, and a loving father,” you pointed out. “You were doing what you had to so that your sons wouldn’t have to watch their mother die.”

“I just wish I could have been an honest man sooner. Honest in work, honest in my marriage.” His eyes finally met yours. “Honest to you.”

And he meant it. He’d give anything to go back in time and be more than honest with you. To give you the option of being involved with him or keeping your distance. But then he wondered if you’d be sitting here if he had given you that option? Or would you have been another Van Der Linde casualty?

Maybe him being a liar had been the best for both of them.

“We’ve both changed so much,” you murmured, and he finally noticed you fidgeting with something on your finger. A ring. You were wearing a ring. His heart sank a bit, knowing that you would now be forever out of his reach.

“You’re married,” he mused.

“Not yet. But working on it. He’s a bounty hunter. So am I. So is… well, so is Sadie Adler.”

He stared. Sadie Adler, the widow he had only spoken to a few times, was a bounty hunter? He had figured she’d died, seeing as though she was on such a dark path when he left the gang. He also had figured he’d still have his wife and been moved to New York or Chicago.

“Ms. Adler is still alive,” he stated, a soft smile on his face. “She always was a tough one. Between you and her, there was enough hellfire to burn the world.”

You smiled again, and his heart started fluttering. Time had not dulled his feelings towards you, but you were betrothed to someone else. He wouldn’t ask you to be the person he had been, and that was the biggest change he had made.

“I… I often think of you,” you began. “How you were always so respectful and affectionate. He’s not you, but in many ways, he’s as close as it gets. He’s a good bounty hunter, and he’s… he’s looking for Dutch and Micah.”

“He won’t find them,” he snorted. “Leave Dutch and Micah to Charles and John and Sadie, if John is even still alive.” He quickly changed the subject. “Why are you here, anyway?”

“Tracking down a bounty. Last one before we leave. We want to settle down, start a family. Maybe set up a little homestead and start a family. He’s thinking head west, like Hosea always wanted.”

He tried to hide the hurt he felt. This could be the last time he’d ever see you, and he’d be alone again. No one to talk to about the gang’s adventures. No one he could reminisce with. And maybe he deserved that, but it still hurt none the less.

“I hope you have a long, happy life with him. And I hope he gives you everything you deserve and more. And if he ever decides to be unfaithful, though I doubt he will, I know you’ll castrate him yourself and leave him to die. I just… I wish the best for you.”

You smiled and kiss his cheek, and he had to bite his tongue to hold back the words he should have said ages ago.

“Same for you. I hope you find someone again. No one deserves to be alone.” You glanced up as the church bells rang out the time. “I’ve got to go. It was good to see you again, Josiah.” He smiled and stood.

“Same to you, (Y/N). Maybe our paths will cross again one day.”

He watched as you smiled and ran towards your horse, a different one than the one you had rode off on. This time, there was no hope of him ever seeing you again. He knew that. His part in your life was done, as was yours in his. But he also knew he’d never forget you, or how you had changed him and made him want to be a better man.

And he’d never forget the cloud of dust that tore his heart in two, and the fire in your eyes.


End file.
